Cassie Blake (tempestquill) wrote in cassidy_love,
Cassie Blake
tempestquill
cassidy_love

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Fic: Stillness (Mac, Cassidy, Dick) PG-13

Title: Stillness
Author: Tempestquill/Cassie
Characters: Mac, Dick, Cassidy, mentions Mac/Cassidy
Word Count: 744
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Language, Adult Theme/Content
Summary: He remembers flying through the air before that final crushing impact. The flashing lights, the wrongness of watching his body being scraped off of a black Escalade, torn, broken, bloody, no longer animated with his façade of a life.
Spoilers: Up to and including 2x22 and maybe 3x01.
Notes: Lissa beta-ed this and then totally hit me when she finished it! I made her cry.


“Stillness”
By C.K. Blake

It’s supposed to be dark, calm, endless, and nothing. There is supposed to be peace in the stillness, but that’s the thing. The fall isn’t endless and nothing is still, and he wonders when he started making expectations of death. It’s so strange because he’s still here, and he’s watching like he always has, only this time they don’t ignore him, they just really can’t see him.

Of course she never ignored him. She was one of the few people that shaped his nickname with some dignity, and whenever his actual name feel from her lips his heart would flutter. His heart doesn’t do much fluttering these days. He no longer has a pulse.

He watches her the most, but he watches the others too. His brother, the girl detective finding comfort in her fuck up boyfriend. It’s strange seeing them torn between the movement and the stillness.

His is still real, he can feel, and as far as he knows he’s corporeal, because when they brush against him he can feel it and so can they. They just can’t see. Death is a truly funny and fucked up thing. All the guilt for the bus crash and Curly is gone, and he no longer cares about Woody Goodman, those things are just done. He doesn’t even feel the satisfaction over being the one to end Woody Goodman’s sad excuse of a life.

He remembers flying through the air before that final crushing impact. The flashing lights, the wrongness of watching his body being scraped off of a black Escalade, torn, broken, bloody, no longer animated with his façade of a life.

He figured when it was done he would face the accusations of his victims, the ones he feared the most being Meg Manning, Peter Ferrer, and Marcos Oliveres, and even Curly Moran. At the very least he thought he might even see Lilly Kane, but no such luck.

Instead he’s caught between the stillness and life, the life that wasn’t worth fighting for until he lost it, gave it up with a single step.

He knows when they think about him, can feel it in what passes for his bones these days. He feels the shiver and pull every times he’s missed, and he is only missed by two people, his former girlfriend and his older brother.

He hates seeing what’s become of them. She’s lying with her false smiles and words of reassurance. He knows because he’s with her every night as she cries herself to sleep, and he wishes that he could hold her and make everything better.

His brother is worse, more reckless than he’s ever been, like now he’s actively trying to destroy himself and take as many people as he can along for the ride.

This is what he regrets, what haunts him. He’s broken the two people that meant the most to him. It’s a mess that he can no longer go back and fix.

She’s restless again, tossing in her bed, and it’s making him choke. He reaches for her hand, her touch warming his cold flesh as she grasps his hand tightly.

“Cassidy,” she murmurs.

He smiles softly, remembers what his brother said to her earlier. He shakes his head and then his mind clears. He might not be able to fix this, but maybe someone else can.

He bends down, presses his cool lips against her warm ones and says, “I love you Cindy Mackenzie. You were never my beard. Take care of him please, because he can’t look after himself. Goodbye.”

He lets go of her hand and she reaches out blindly for it again, but it’s too late, because he’s gone, looking down at the unconscious body of his older brother miles away.

He picks up the dead weight and helps him into the bed of the guest room of Logan’s suite, pulls off his shoes and tucks him in the way he used to.

His brother reached out for him and Cassidy gives Dick’s shoulder a squeeze as he says, “I miss you man. And you gotta stop doing this. You’re killing yourself. Oh and quit being so hard on Cindy, she’s an amazing girl. I love her, bro. Love you too.”

“Miss you too, Beav,” Dick mutters and this is followed by a mumbled declaration that sounds suspiciously like, “And Ghost World is kinda hot.”

Cassidy smiles and then the stillness fades around him.

End.


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